Almost one year ago was the most epic St. Patrick's Day throw down of my life, and likely to be the last. Some lessons are learned hard and fast. Some lessons are only learned after you wake up in a drunk tank. However you may learn them, make sure you use that knowledge to the best of your ability. My life lesson was founded on the effort to wear a different funny Irish t-shirt for every hour, drink only Jameson whiskey and green beer, and make-out with at least three women.
The St. Patrick's Day in question began like any other. I was intending to go out and party with my friends for around five hours, so I wore five layers of funny Irish t-shirts in order to wear a new one every hour. The first stop of the pub crawl was scheduled for one hour, and it began with three quick shots of Jameson whiskey and a pint of green beer. I immediately got separated from my group when the bus left me and my brother behind. I was drunk, and I took off my first funny Irish t-shirt and gave it to a pretty girl.
The second hour found me farther down the street. I was separated from my friends and I was getting too drunk to care anymore. To illustrate this point, I gave away two of my funny Irish t-shirts to two girls to watch them kiss each other. I shed another funny Irish t-shirt to do body shots off of a chunky girl in the corner, who seemed pretty excited that someone wanted to hang out with her. I then made out with her for at least fifteen minutes.
In the third hour things started getting hazy. I know that the chunky girl had a brother, who punched me very hard in the ribs while I was kissing her. It hurt very much, but my efforts for revenge only got me ejected from the bar by bouncers...which also hurt pretty bad. I found the first pub I had gone to and proceeded to drink more shots of Jameson whiskey. Hour number three ended with me throwing up outside.
Hour four is a mystery, because I do not remember anything until I started sobering up at hour nine. Hour nine found me in the custody of the police, wearing no funny Irish t-shirts at all, my eyes raw and red from what I can only presume was pepper spray, and my hair dyed green. Not only do I not remember anyone dying my hair green, but I do not remember going to jail. I am still paying court costs for the incident and I doubt I will be going out for any Saint Patrick's Day celebrations at all.
The St. Patrick's Day in question began like any other. I was intending to go out and party with my friends for around five hours, so I wore five layers of funny Irish t-shirts in order to wear a new one every hour. The first stop of the pub crawl was scheduled for one hour, and it began with three quick shots of Jameson whiskey and a pint of green beer. I immediately got separated from my group when the bus left me and my brother behind. I was drunk, and I took off my first funny Irish t-shirt and gave it to a pretty girl.
The second hour found me farther down the street. I was separated from my friends and I was getting too drunk to care anymore. To illustrate this point, I gave away two of my funny Irish t-shirts to two girls to watch them kiss each other. I shed another funny Irish t-shirt to do body shots off of a chunky girl in the corner, who seemed pretty excited that someone wanted to hang out with her. I then made out with her for at least fifteen minutes.
In the third hour things started getting hazy. I know that the chunky girl had a brother, who punched me very hard in the ribs while I was kissing her. It hurt very much, but my efforts for revenge only got me ejected from the bar by bouncers...which also hurt pretty bad. I found the first pub I had gone to and proceeded to drink more shots of Jameson whiskey. Hour number three ended with me throwing up outside.
Hour four is a mystery, because I do not remember anything until I started sobering up at hour nine. Hour nine found me in the custody of the police, wearing no funny Irish t-shirts at all, my eyes raw and red from what I can only presume was pepper spray, and my hair dyed green. Not only do I not remember anyone dying my hair green, but I do not remember going to jail. I am still paying court costs for the incident and I doubt I will be going out for any Saint Patrick's Day celebrations at all.
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Take a look at these funny Irish t-shirts at funny Saint Patrick's Day t-shirts for lots of great information.
