11/16/2012

The Reign Of The Christmas Party King

By Francis Binkley


Christmas office parties are where mistakes happen. It is the one time of year where people who see each other every single day get together "off the clock", drink heavily, and break every single rule that they have to live by during the 364 other days of the year. It's a recipe for disaster, and I have been caught up in frying pan against my better judgment.

It all started in my third year with the company. I had a reputation for being a crazy guy when I drink because of one stupid night that I decided to cut loose and go out with the boys after work. After that night of insanity, they were practically begging me to come to the office Christmas party. They figured I could spice up the joint with some of my riotous good humor. I wish I had said "no."

I'm not an introvert by any means, but I'm a quiet guy normally. These co-workers had this idea of a crazed party machine in their head just because of one night and too many shots of tequila. I felt I had a lot to live up to, so I wore a Holiday t-shirt that said "Official Mistletoe Tester" on the front of it. Not a very big deal, right? Well, when you get a group of people together and mix in a ton of booze, it doesn't really matter if your Christmas shirt is silly or not. You end up kissing your hot, divorcee boss and making a fool of yourself in front of everyone.

It was a whole year of people making jokes about what happened during that one, fateful party. My wild side did not exactly match up well with my normal demeanor, and people took great pleasure in making me turn beet red by mentioning my exploits. A year came and went and it was time for another Christmas party. I was going to wear a simple shirt and maybe some silly antlers, or something. Instead, my friends came over to my house and got me drunk. I ended up wear an obscene Christmas tee that they brought for me and the whole debacle from the previous year was played out all over again at that year's Christmas shindig. Hooray for my weak willpower.

I now hold the crown as the greatest Christmas partier in all the land. There are worst titles to hold. I haven't done anything to get fired yet, so maybe I'm doing something right. I'm still getting raises, after all...which may have something to do with the winks I get from my boss now. I suppose I have to go find myself the right funny Christmas party shirt before it gets too late. It's too cold for me to go shirtless again.




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